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Two and a half years ago, I met someone who shook my world apart. He was everything to me, though we were nothing. But somehow it seemed like the moment he wiggled his way into my mixed up heart, I was attached to him like a bungee, and every time it felt like I had distanced myself enough from him to feel like I was finally free of his pull, I’d spring back towards him. The reconnection was always unwilling on my part, because I really was running away, or at least trying. But then I’d quickly forget why I was running to begin with because all I could feel was certainty….. Four years ago, when I was going through the breakup of breakups (with my 8-year) it was “Better in Time” by Leona Lewis that got me through the sad days, sad nights, sad everything. Of breaking up, she sings, “its gonna hurt when it heals too” and to this day, I still can’t find a better way to describe breaking up ….. I’m not sure if it was him or me, so I’ll say we – we cut the bungee. So I’m outside of his pull, this time, forever. But pieces of him remain inside me. I will be walking happily arm in arm with my best friend in New York City when I pass a hotel that reminds me of a time we spent there a year ago, quite by accident, and then those pieces, though so little, consume me, envelop me, and I’m sad and I miss him. It still hurts long after it heals. La tristease durera toujours.

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Photo Diary:
Stockholm

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This past spring, I made my first trip to Scandinavia. After hearing only positive things about it from my father my entire life, and then having the pleasure and privilege of meeting some wonderful Scandinavians in LA, I was most excited to experience Stockholm and it definitely lived up to everything I had heard about it. I now fully subscribe to the notion that Swedes are the most evolved humans on earth. Other observations from my travels: (1) There is no such thing as an overweight Swede. They are all impossibly fit. Because they walk everywhere. I’ve never seen so many mothers maneuvering strollers through rush hour foot traffic, which to me is just sexy; (2) The meatballs! (Enough said); (3) We’ve all heard of white nights, but to truly experience the magnificence of one while traveling is just beyond! Sightseeing doesn’t end when the sun sets, the sun is still shining while you are getting ready for a night on the town, and you wake up to sunlight at 4:00 a.m. confused and thinking you overslept only to discover you get to sleep longer; (4) The Nobis Hotel is the bomb.com; and (5) I predict Swedish as a language will soon (relatively speaking) not exist because they speak perfect English, even in the company of their own.

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From the Closet:
On Cancers

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Elizabeth & James tee, Zara button down, One Teaspoon shorts, Nicholas Kirkwood flats

For years, I didn’t believe in astrology because I was perpetually disappointed that my monthly horoscope never manifested into reality. Once I was able to find other ways to manifest my dreams and desires, I started looking deeper into astrology, generally, and my sign, in particular, and discovered how accurate it is. I’m a Cancer. Consistent with the characteristics of a Cancer, I am loyal, sensitive, fragile, intelligent, emotional, caring, and intuitive. I have a hard shell, which means I’m closed off emotionally and physically and it is very difficult for people to get close to me because I don’t trust easily. That being said, once you get past the hard shell of this crab, you are in for life. My lifers, those who have made it beyond the skyscraper walls that surround my heart, will confirm this fact. To men, I’m quite the anomaly, because I’m friendly and warm and can talk to anyone forever and find ways to relate to them and make them feel comfortable with me. However, as time goes by, they will find that while I know and understand them in a deep, authentic way, they only superficially know me. This can go on for years, and in fact, it has. Then one day something will happen and everything changes and they become a lifer. With my last boyfriend, it happened early on – I was in a bad car accident and my best friend didn’t pick up the phone, and I didn’t know who else to call so I called him. After he saw me weak, crying, and injured, and rose to the occasion to take care of me and take control of the situation, I knew he was someone I could trust and the walls came down. For women, it usually just takes persistence. All of my really good female friends put in way too much effort on the front end, but once they become a lifer, I will put in a lot of effort on the back end. I will be their most faithful supporter, put their needs ahead of my own, and never let anyone or anything come between us. In fact, of all the traits of a Cancer, it is loyalty that is most a reflection of who I am. I love deeply and unapologetically. I will do anything for the people I love — anything — and I expect little in return. This can be difficult because I’m extremely reluctant to let someone go, even if they don’t deserve a place in my inner circle. The people in my life who care about me most find this trait a little unnerving, but I always just write it off as a crab thing. Potentially, its narcissistic to buy a shirt that boasts a personality trait you are fond of, but I see so much disloyalty in the world, that I’m proud to call myself a loyal person. So much so that apparently, I wanted to wear it on my chest.

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photographs by Manuel Vinicio http://www.manuelvinicio.com/

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From the Closet:
White Shirt Moment

 

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Charlotte Gainsbourg x Current/Elliott shirt, AllSaints skirt, Chanel bag, Stuart Weitzman boots, Nixon watch, Ray-Ban sunnies, Vita Fede bracelets

Lately, I’ve been crazy for white button down shirts — the kind I’ve been wearing to work as an attorney for years. Only now, I’m wanting to wear them everywhere. All the time. This one, part of Charlotte Gainsbourg’s capsule collection for Current/Elliott, is just perfection. Which is fitting coming from the Parisian spawn of Jane Birkin and Serge Gainsbourg. Understated sexy – what Parisians do best!

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photographs by Manuel Vinicio http://www.manuelvinicio.com/

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I’m off to NYC on Friday night and surprisingly, I’m excited for crisp bordering on cold, although I’m positively sure seven days from now when I’m on the return flight home, my feelings will be reflecting a different sentiment. Spending this week planning  a proper autumn wardrobe for three days in one of my favorite cities in the world. Happy Monday loves!

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